introspection

the last day of school i received a tender gift from ethan's (one my students) parents. inside the present was a picture of their family and a copy of their family christmas letter. this mother is simply amazing. she is just beautiful, mother of 3 wonderful kids, and so very sweet and kind. her oldest daughter is severely autistic, then ethan who is autistic but high functioning, and a adorable little girl in kindergarten. ethan always gets so excited when he sees her in the hallway and at assemblies and tries to say hi. in the letter she gave me, she had written a letter to herself giving advice as if she had known what would happen in the year 2009 to help prepare herself for the difficulties that lay ahead. i was very touched by her strength, her tenderness, and her openness. i decided wanted to do the same. here goes nothing...

dear emily,
I wish I could say that this year is the year all your dreams will come true. It is going to be another tough year. It is going to be another year that will stretch you in ways you didn't think possible. It will test you and teach you. Remember Emily, don't give up. There will be many days you will feel like it, but know that you can and you will make it. And more importantly, you will learn more about who you and the goodness you still have to make this world a better place despite your set backs and disappointments.

there are lessons you will learn emily. there are things you will learn you didn't even know you needed to learn. the change you have been wanting will start to happen. pay careful attention to the lessons you will learn through these challenging times.

lesson #1 Persist. Yes, you know this. You know how to endure. But remember when you are RS president in January and you are feeling as lost as ever as to what you are suppose to be doing in your life, remember to persist. good things will come from it. you will see bishop brown and sis brown go but seeing their constant goodness and example will bless your life. you will also feel the love of the stake president and his counselor and see them leave too. you will hear a talk from sis wilkey (pres. wife) that will be exactly what you need to hear. then bishop stokes and sis stokes will move in. their example, their love story, their goodness will be a wonderful blessing. you will love bishop stokes genuine concern and love for you. he will lift your burdens but somehow make you feel like you are helping him. remember to persist at your calling and at work and although you haven't learned yet about creating the joy because you are still searching for it, that day you are about to throw your towel in and take a red eye flight to can coon forever, persist. you will love your counselors. martha will be a blessing to you then and later. you will love the sisters. a mixture of emotions will come with the stress and responsibilities. write down what you learn and remember that nothing is permanent. you will miss tiff and will miss amanda and feel like slowly you are being left alone but shawn will be there for you. even though you don't know if its right, persist.

lesson #2 there is joy in the joy of others. this is going to be a tough one for you emily. you will see others you love get things you have always dreamed of having. it will be hard because these are the things that you feel very deeply about and its been very difficult for you to understand. the joy and hope of others will remind you of the hope that still exists. the faith and courage of your sister and friends will awaken the belief and possibilities of your dreams. dare to dream.

lesson #3 trust yourself. you will be searching for an confirmation to a troubling question. you will not understand because you will not receive an answer. you will feel very alone and forsaken. but when you wake up one morning with the idea to move to millrace and its the first thing that has made sense for a while, move forward with it. and when you get on your knees and pray and get an answer, you will remember what it feels like to have no doubt. when you decide to take the gre class and pray and receive the same confirming answer, remember that he will answer your prayers. trust that you can receive answers and you can know. follow it and you will be even more certain it is right.

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